Score: 10

"I badly want an Ataritendosega."

submission: Clock Suckers Episode 6

date: January 31, 2008

Some of the other episodes have portions of which I find relevant in my own life, but none more so than this, 'Game Over.'

First off, if you can't identify all of the characters from video games that attack Tanner and Ben from the getgo, don't watch this episode. Get yourself a video game education (whatever that means) and come back later to watch this. This includes knowledge of the Konami code.

Second, if you've never seen 'Pretty In Pink,' don't watch this episode. Rent it and see the hilarity that is Ducky.

Third, if you haven't seen 'Two and a Half Men,' that's fine. Really. That show is fucking terrible.

Now that I'm done seeing this episode, I'm gonna go play some Frogger. Or Tecmo Bowl. But not Excitebike. Overheating is a bitch.

Score: 10

"Indubitably the Dirtiest Beebo Episode Yet."

submission: BEEBO Part 10

date: January 31, 2008

I make the above statement full well knowing that Harry has done the following:

1. Made fun of the Pope
2. Chastised Australians
3. Abused Jamaicans
4. Killed (and continues to abuse) a cat
5. Smoked crack and strangled Asians
6. Gave Eazy E and Freddy Mercury AIDS
7. Had sex with multiple Vietnamese transvestite prostitutes
8. Drank antifreeze

But frankly, Harry having 'relations' with Bon Jovi is something that is immensely offensive and appropriately...well, gay. But hey, a guy's gotta pay rent, right? I mean, come on!

This particular episode has also spurned off a number of phrases which I now use regularly, including "Where's my fucking money?," "I can't even afford to jack off!," and of course, "Dammit, Bon Jovi, what have I told you about having sex with other men?"

The Godfart team strikes again, with admittedly hilarious results. This is still THE best series on Newgrounds.

Score: 8

"Three Times the Tanner? Win."

submission: Clock Suckers Episode 3

date: January 14, 2008

Tanner's quite possibly the greatest 'third of a trio' ever. And when he meets himself in 1993 and 1990 respectively, it's quite possibly the most retarded, yet grin-worthy stunt the gang has pulled yet.

That is, until Ben decides it's a good idea to beat up a newborn child.

Still a great show, and it features Jerky Boy Johnny, which is awesome. I don't know what to think of the phrase 'pigeon pussy' yet, but it is still damn funny.

Score: 8

"Man, Old-Timey Porn Rules!"

submission: Clock Suckers Episode 2

date: January 13, 2008

To say that I'm impressed with the work of CU Studios' stuff would be an understatement. Frankly, there's not a whole lot of animated series on the net as naturally smart and funny as Clock Suckers. Good to see that Grit and Rocco are still around, doing, y'know, their own thing while the bumbling threesome do, y'know, their own thing.

On a related note, I hope I am never propositioned by a battery addicted robot for oral sex.

On a slightly less related note, Ben Franklin is a boring, boring old man.

And what happened to all the Ensure from the last episode? Set for life my ass. Probably drank it all after a Swill binge.

Score: 8

"Explosions! Aliens! Esophogi!"

submission: Worm Story

date: January 13, 2008

Frank the Worm could possibly be a nice, cute series were more episodes to come about of his exploits. But he would have to maintain his status being stuck in a bird for the rest of his days.

The animation is clean, simple, and effective - voice acting, though forced at times, is clear, audible, and the sync in the talking animations makes sense. The humor is a little redundant here and there, but otherwise, great effort. Flyborg's crew strikes again with effective and ultimately funny results.

Score: 9

"...Good God, That's Good. God."

submission: Clock Suckers Episode 1

date: January 13, 2008

I'd heard about the Clock Suckers series from friends of mine earlier last year, and never made the effort to check out what the hell all the commotion was about. Fortunately, having stumbled across the name and saying, "Hey! People I don't remember told me about this!," I decided to play the movie and see what this was all about.

I should really listen to my friends more often.

Ben, Kate, and Tanner make a really wonderful trio that play off each other naturally (it's a breath of fresh air to watch a video with decent voice acting, much less voice acting that takes into account the existence of the other characters). I kinda feel bad for the inside-out hobo, Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox, though Fox may have had a better fate in this movie than is faring for him at this point in his life, what with the Parkinson's and all.

The incorporation of anything probe related gets a thumbs up from me as well.

I plan on watching all of the Clock Suckers series and keeping in touch for the future episodes. I'm sold.

Score: 8

"Bizarre, Yet Strangely Arousing..."

submission: Burnt Face Man

date: January 13, 2008

I can't help but be amused when I see a protagonist who has suffered burns on his face and only his face...it makes me wonder what kind of catastrophe he endured. Moreover, being a superhero who prides himself on the fact that his face is burnt, it makes me wonder if said catastrophe resulted in his powers, or if it is merely an occasion from which his namesake was derived. I would like to think that his face's former burning resulted in his acquisition of superpowers.

Anyways, crime is indeed a shit. Fortunately we have Burnt Face Man around to stop crime from getting out of control. What a shit.

Those that don't enjoy this video need not look any further into Firth's catalogue, because this is perhaps his most accessible character and series to date (despite the popularity of his other series, Salad Fingers) and you are bound to wind up watching more of the insane and truly out-of-the-box black humor were you to dig deeper.

Score: 7

"A Mallard Duck? In Hamlet?"

submission: Hamlet in 60 Seconds

date: January 13, 2008

Being a theatre major and having seen literally dozens of performances and renditions of Hamlet, it's a nice change to see someone who is willing to make the text his own, yet stay true to the story of the Danish Prince.

Despite some 40-60 pages of dialogue and roughly 2-1/2 to 3 hours worth of stage time missing from this particular version of Hamlet, it still retains its charm and the director's vision really shines. Cheers to the remembrance of four-or-so quotes from the play, and the rest being, you know, made up. Kudos.

Score: 2

"Was a visual necessary?"

submission: uncle fucka

date: January 7, 2008

The word 'trite' comes to mind when I see stuff like this. Were this presented in a more, say, interesting fashion than simple talking clock fruit (Canadian clock fruit, at that), I might have been more inclined to take interest in this video beyond my enjoyment of the song itself.

However, you could have put a picture of a little boy singing the song. No movement, no animation. Just a boy with South Park's soundtrack playing in the background. I'm sure the effect (ultimately an effect, yet unnamed, that breeds thoughts of "why aren't I just watching the fucking movie?") would be similar.

Going into this, knowing full well that this flash would be pretty disappointing, I must say even then, I'm disappointed.

Score: 10

"...Okay."

submission: BEEBO part 9

date: January 7, 2008

A (almost) completely arbitrary adventure for our two heroes turns into a time-traveling extravaganza? Featuring the Princes of Time? And antifreeze? AND copious amounts of alcohol consumption (as well as subsequent vomiting and jackassery)?

Count me in.

This has been my favorite Beebo episode for a long, long time - timing has become much cleaner, while the animation still retains its grit and unapologetic charm - not to mention a heaping helping of gypsy hatred and cat abuse.

Comedy, thy name is Beebo. And thou art what hath facial hair.